I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is wine microwaveable?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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