singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
