I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
