Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
