You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
