Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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