is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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