who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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