You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's JV to your varsity
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
