I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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