pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
