seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
