guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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