I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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