Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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