the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
