so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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