The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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