OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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