I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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