Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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