I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
