I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize