He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
