Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
