he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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