I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
