So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
