Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
