you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
