my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
