Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
