i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
