I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
