i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
