I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
