I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
