She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
