Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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