Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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