my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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