I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
