I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my shit smells like andre
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
