Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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