Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
