I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
