i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
