I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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