so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
