I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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