I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A bitchslap is in order.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
