K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
