If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
