As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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