Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
