So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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