I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
