how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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