so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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