My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
