Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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