why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
