just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
