Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
