youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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