the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
